


Duke Tingz

by Aeristqr



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily Feels, Batfamily Shenanigans, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 09:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20043820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeristqr/pseuds/Aeristqr
Summary: These are just some of the very things Duke Thomas has to deal with on a daily basis:-his family-his Batshit Crazy family-his Batshit Crazy WHITE family





	1. Four Years Old

**Author's Note:**

> So these are just gonna be random one shots and will be Duke Centric

"Damian please!"

"No. I refuse to be subjected to the horror that is modern teenage stupidity."

"But it's fun, plus dontcha wanna know what all your classmates are talking about. I know you would want to understand what their talking about, at least to be able to differentiate slang with yah know... spy talk?" Dick dragged on, "do it with me just this once... please?".

"Grayson, as long as you fix your horrendous english... I will suffer through this with you."

"Omg, thank you". 

Dick had been trying (and failing) for days at getting Damian to do "regular" teenage stuff with him. The last and only thing he'd gotten him to do was create an Instagram, which he used as an account for Titus, Alfred, and all his other animals instead. That was a year ago. 

"Tt. Besides, aren't you the worst possible candidate to be showing me "modern teenage stuff", he said with exaggerated finger quotations, "I'd think Drake would know more than you and he couldn't possibly stop working."

"Common, I mean all we have to do is do this really basic dance, record it, and yah know, feel teenagy."

"Again with your inaccurate use of english."

"Ugh, let's just start this."

______________________________________________

Today was rough. Patrol last night was exhausting and school, more so. All Duke wanted to do, was trash his homework and binge watch YouTube videos.

Instead, he was taking a ten minute break from his Calculus homework to go downstairs to the kitchen to ask Alfred for some of his delicious cookies. All the while scrolling through instagram. It was hard work staying socially relevant. This was just another job through the day.

🎵Now watch me whip (kill it!)  
Watch me nae nae (okay!)  
Now watch me whip whip  
Watch me nae nae (can you do it?)🎵

"What the fuck," he mumbled under his breath.

Who on God's earth would play that awful song.

The horror, the cringe!

He almost ran back upstairs, but the curiosity was too much for Duke so he went to go investigate.

There, in that very living room, stood the funniest thing he had ever witnessed: Demon Brat whipping and Nae Naeing. 

Now this was nothing new for Dick. Duke had witnessed Dick trying to be "hip with the times" for the younger ones in Teen Titans on multiple, embarrassing occasions.

However, watching the little guy dance to Watch Me with such seriousness and vigor, he had to laugh.

And so he did. 

"Tt. What's so funny Thomas, jealous of my moves."

That was just too much. Duke fell on his knees screeching in the most inhumane way possible, "REEEEEE!"

"What the fuck, Thomas?-" 

"-Damian, language!-" 

"-Are you possessed, blink twice if you're possessed!"

"BAHAHAHAHA, YOU JUST NAE NAED!"

"And?"

"Oh god, that dance died four years ago," Duke wheezed, it was all too much for him.

"Grayson, you told me this was modern teenage stuff!"

"Well, I mean… wait really? Four years? I swear I heard about it like a month ago."

"Even if you heard about it a month ago, it would've been dead by now. Ya'll need to catch up, deadass."

"Dead… ass?" 

"Okay," he trailed on, "Imma cop me some of Al's cookies and go back to my freaking Calculus homework," he turned around, not noticing the confused looks Damian and Dick were sending each other. 

After getting the much needed cookies, he trudged up the stairs, tiredly mumbling, "I need a social vacation."


	2. Coconut? Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone please help Duke out, he's dying here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys can totally leave requests

"Watcha doin?" Steph asked from behind the couch.

"Work," not even looking up from his phone.

"Giggling?" Cass stated, magically beside him on the couch.

"Uhh," he stalled, looking for the right words, "I kinda don't wanna be left out in conversations at school, so I have to keep up with all the new trends and stuff. It's tiring, but rewarding."

"Oh, I totally get it. It'd also be suspicious if we didn't get any references, we'd be outed as bats immediately."

Steph paused for a bit. She squinted at my phone, grabbing it out of my hands before I could even react.

"What's with the whole "COCONUT" thing, I've never heard of that before."

Cass started to giggle, "duh Steph, it's a fruit."

"Well I know that, just not in this context," thumping the palm of her hand to her forehead. 

"Tt. I wouldn't expect you to know anything about anything, fat girl," Damian walked in, with Dick and Tim right behind him. 

Great. 

Steph continued to read the next tweet on my phone, very loudly… really great.

"Y'all spelling COCONUT on the… eggplant emoji," she raised her eyebrow at me, sending me one if her "knowing" looks, "in cursive or in print… upside down smiley emoji."

"Uh."

"You wanna explain that to us, Duke."

"Not really."

"Why? What's so bad about coconuts or eggplants or happy faces?" Damian asked. One of the more innocent things to leave his mouth.

Tim trudged around the couch to take a seat, coffee in hand (really tim? Its 11 pm on a Saturday), "you guys really need to get on Social Media more."

Huh, Tim was the last person he'd expect to understand the joke… or did he just understand the situation? Hard to tell. 

"Wow," Jay drawled, walking in, looking fresh from a job, "Everyone in one place? What's this all about?" 

"Duke has some questionable stuff on his phone," Steph jokingly tskd. 

"Ah c'mon guys, let's just ignore this and go back to whatever everyone was doing beforehand-"

"-Can't. Just got through killing a Mob Boss, can't do that again."

Resigned, I sighed. 

"It's a Black Twitter joke."

There was a moment of silence.

"There's a Twitter for Black people?" Oh Dick, you poor, old fool.

A reluctant and cautious "No" left Duke's lips. "Its just a subsection of Twitter, like Stan Twitter or Anime Twitter. It's just filled with stuff mostly… Black people get?"

"So what's the joke?"

Damn the little Demon Spawn, I was trying to evade explaining that.

"Okay," psyching himself up for the tremendous amount of embarrassment, " it's a trick girls can use when… Okay holup someone cover Damian's ears."

"Huh what?! I know more than you think Thomas! I refuse to be treated like a child!"

"You asked for it, Demon Spawn," he snickered.

"Okay so basically girls can spell coconut with their waist when riding a dick... if they didnt know how to before?" This was so awkward.

"Oh that, Bruce just loves it when I do that," we all cringed, with Selina already gone and down the hall.

"Huh." Of course Jay didn't give two shits and Damian, well he was blushing so red it was almost picture worthy.

"I'm telling Kori about that tomorrow." 

"Ew Dick," Cass giggled again. She was adorable, the one plus to being in this batshit family.

Duke then realized Tim was zoned out, neat.

"Well that wasn't so bad," Steph admitted, handing me back my phone, " maybe you can tell us all a lil more about Black Twitter. I do like to be Socially relevant yah know."

"Welp."


	3. Sleep Over Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot, Steph... again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so you can take these however u want, but keep in mind, I am aware of how they will stray further on the crack side of the spectrum sometimes. If you are ever offended by any of my one shots, also keep in mind that these aren't for everyone, that my humor is at times very questionable and that I have been keeping the last two very mild. 
> 
> I will do very serious ones about Duke talking about racism and very edgy ones that shit talk white people humor. Yes, I am a black girl and I also realize that Duke's whole personality is not "the one black guy". 
> 
> This is just something I don't see often in the batfam memes and id like to think about how the batfamily views race and other heavy topics cause it is a important thing in this America that I'm and some of you are living in. Im kinda obsessed with the concept of Culture shock as well because I’ve lived in three different countries and visited a lot of countries, just like it i guess. I also don't see a lot of Duke centric things in general so here you go.
> 
> You should prolly watch these videos before reading to make it funnier. https://youtu.be/xzAOODb2124 and https://youtu.be/g_BL5CoS-Uk

Sleep Over. Was it really a sleep over if they all practically lived there anyway. He only meant that, Steph has her own room, and Dick, Tim, and Jay still stay in their rooms from time to time. 

So was the makeshift fort in the middle of the living room really necessary?

He still wouldn't know if you asked him.

This was supposed to be bonding time, bat kids exclusive. Well the batkids who could watch R rated movies by the way, which begrudgingly meant dear ol' Damian too. That also meant Helena and Terry had to go stay upstairs with Selina and Bruce. 

It was kinda claustrophobic, to say the least. All of us were in our jammies laying flat on stomachs, or laying on the others. 

Random plates and bowls of food were placed between us and the huge TV on the wall was playing the news, courtesy of Tim. 

"Hey Dick, switch the channel to whatever you want, I knew all this two days ago," Tim tossed the remote control to Dick across the room.

"Gotcha buddy," slowly, agonizingly he started to flip from one channel to the next, which didn't bother most people but obviously bothered Steph.

"Ugh, don't mean to be rude but can someone just connect their phone to the TV. Nothing's interesting on cable these days," Steph looked around the room, then straight at Duke, "What do you normally watch on YouTube, Duke?"

Ah shit, here we go again. 

She had that sweet smile on her face, the one she uses on Tim to get him to do stuff for her… fuck. Cass sat right next to her too, almost encouragingly, because he knew, that she knew exactly what Steph was doing.

He was never gonna win.

"Just like Commentary Youtubers and random shit…," he knew what was coming next, he sighed, "Lemme just connect my phone to the TV to save you the trouble."

"Yes!"

"What's so important on Thomas's phone?"

Duke saw that Jason had snickered and rolled his eyes as he began to throw popcorn at Tim's long hair.

"Well I mean, Duke is kinda private with that stuff, Damian, so we just wanna know more about him," Dick turned to me, "Hey, what are you interested in?"

"I guess you'll find out soon enough."

He made sure to check if his phone would open to anything… ehem, questionable. But to be freaking honest, he wasn't all that bad, humor may be borderline questionable, but hey nothing graphic. 

It was just the situation was making him super antsy when he had no reason to be.

Once it was connected, he clicked on YouTube to see his recommended page. 

"So um, I watch a lot of gaming commentary or comedy commentary," he scrolled to see "Creeper? Aw man…" and "You laugh You Lose(Minecraft Edition)" by Pewdiepie. Man, he didn't even play Minecraft anymore. 

Then there were the stand up comedians that he rarely found funny, but Josh Wolf and Dave Chapelle were the outliers. 

There was a shit ton of meme and tiktok compilations. He knew Tim, Steph, and Cass would watch those together sometimes, Steph more so.

"Oh let's watch 'tiktoks that have a hint of vine energy'"

"Nah it's kinda just filler to be honest," he really didn't want to watch those, only like 10 out of 50 tiktoks in comp were worth seeing, "most of the good tiktoks are reposted on meme pages. AND WE SURE AS HELL ARE NOT GOING THROUGH MY INSTAGRAM!"

"Fine, fine, so what do you find funny, Duke?"

"Yeah, Duke, what do you find funny," he flinched, you know it's over when Jason speaks up.

"Man, I don't even know, it’s just the most random shit I find. Most of the stuff I watch just amuses me and I do one of those airy breathes, I don't know?... Oh my god!"

"Oh my god? Why is he saying oh my god? What the fuck just happened?"

"Language, Baby bird. So Duke yeah, why the omg?" Ah shit Golden Boy, get ready for one of the only niggas that can always make me laugh:

"Zach Fox."

"Oooooo a fox named Zach? I'm interested."

"No Damian, sorry? He's a comedian and a rapper and he's hella funny, actually so are a lot of other artists, I’ll show you all of em later, but we gotta listen to the song first.” Oh this was gonna be the culture shock of the century.


End file.
